It's such a wonderful feeling to wake up in the morning now. I still open my eyes in a panic. My thoughts turn to money but then it hits me. I don't need slot money today. I didn't lie yesterday. I don't do that anymore. I don't. I feel free today.
Before I stopped gambling my first thoughts always involved money in some way. Where would I get money to play today? When could I go to play. What lie or secret do I have to cover up today.
This morning it was hard to believe that I changed the counter to 14 days. Wow, that's 2 weeks! I've felt free for 2 weeks!
In the past I have made promises to myself, my husband, my family and did not keep them. For instance I'd promised to not initiate any more "payday loans". I broke that promise more than once. I revealed those transactions one at a time but only because they needed to be paid.
My family has bailed me out countless times and I realize they should not have done so. I hope when they see the day counter number increase they can believe it to be true. I want to regain their trust but is that possible? Perhaps I've lied too much and broken too many promises.
I love my family. Their belief that I can do this gave me the strength to begin my new life.
COUNT WITH JANE________ I count the days without a visit to the casino and share my gambling history.
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