WHOA! HOW TO MAKE COMPARISONS

Maybe the better way to look at 2 things is not to compare but ask myself why do I want to compare them?  This will be clearer if I show 2 pictures.

Original Photo below and my watercolor on the right.  Seeing them side by side is not good.  I made the head too big, painted too many flowers and .........wait.  Why am I shooting me down? 


















I'm sure that when I go to EBAY and list the painting I'll be thinking of comparing it to other artists work.  That's bad for the ego.  Again, why do it? 

I found a great article titled "Do you compare yourself to others?".    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/margaret-paul-phd/self-worth_b_2855751.html#es_share_ended

It talks about how we learned to compare ourselves to others when we were children.  There's a little mental exercise to do.  I'll try it but first I need to think of myself as a child through a grandparents eyes.  Hmmm.  I'll post results later.

LOST IN A VICIOUS CYCLE OF GAMBLING

Two hundred twenty six days ago that's exactly where I was. I wasn't sure vicious was the right word to use but one meaning is dangerous.  I was in danger. Danger of losing my family or going to jail or being so despondent I would take my life. 

I worry that someone actively struggling with this addiction would stumble upon my blog, read my current posts related to making dolls from used items or working on my photography and think this blog can't be about addiction. 

But it is about addiction.  Years of therapy helped me through to this day.  I recall one night in group therapy we had a new attendee and after we went around the circle describing our week our therapist explained to her that she must not be put off by all our joking and laughter.  We had all been in a darker place as she and our experiences have many similarities.  You see this person had everything she owned in her car and did not know where she would spend the night.  She was in pain and we were making light of our pain.

When I changed the counter to 226 days today I had skipped a day.  You see my grandchildren are with us for a few days and I missed yesterday's counter change.  It's a blessing to have my grandchildren in my life.  I very well may have lost that privilege some years ago because their parents could not count on my behavior were I alone with them.  They worried I would leave them and go to the casino.

I want to remember all the pain, anguish, guilt and shame of all my dark days because it helps me stay on my path to recovery.  The addiction will always be a part of my life and I must guard against triggers that would take me back.

A BEGINNING AND AN END

All humans have a beginning and an end but this is not true of all the things we have created and used and discarded.  But we can choose to reuse things again and again and again, just not always in the same way.  These discarded items can be used as puzzles.

I'm always fascinated watching the shows that show you how they make things.  The brains it takes to invent things, the skill to build and manufacture, all those processes are amazing and mind bogging to me.  Then we use it and throw it away

Here's my newest completed puzzle. I started simple.

The circle in  center is a real hummingbird nest given to me by a neighbor after a storm blew it out of a tree.  It just hung around the bookcase a couple years. It's very sturdy and beautifully constructed. 

I found the dish at my favorite Goodwill Store, the leaves on the base attracted me. The dish has a chipped edge but that's okay, it had a previous life.

When a pile of pine needles appeared in front of my feet as I walked across my friends yard, I just knew they all fit together.  The Dollar store sold me the bird and one day I'll find a hummingbird to replace it.





This  picture shows some articles that need to be put together.

Dolls that are broken need a new life, a little fabric perhaps and a few sparkles and bobbles. 

I guess these next puzzles will be dolls then.  Doll heads in teacups perhaps? On glass pedestals?  I can't wait to finish them.

The credit for this project goes to the Somerset Studio Gallery Summer 2014  15th Anniversary Issue and the article "Keepsake Dolls" by Robin Sanchez. Her dolls are beautiful. Go to Somersetstudiogallery.com for more information.

Robin has a blog, Onceuponapinkmoon.blogspot.com

SOMEONE SEND ME A COMPUTER ANGEL, PLEEEEEEZE

Now, I don't have money to hire one cause of my gambling.  And my brain can't quite grasp the instructions I read.  I'm not sure what happens but words go rambling. Let's brain storm so I can do the deed.

What I really really want... what I really really want....no, what I REALLY REALLY WANT IS..... MUSIC...ON MY BLOG.

I should look for a class regarding blogs?  But I have a link. This should be so easy.  I don't look so pretty when I'm stamping my feet do I?

WHAT WOULD I DO WITHOUT GOOGLE?

Well, trudge to the library I guess.  I have algae on the pool rim so it would be a library book or look for the video and box of chemicals from the pool company who built the pool.  That was 18 years ago.  What are those chances?  Maybe if I asked my brain to work on their location when I take a nap..?

 But why do that when I can Google?   I found a great article......http://www.ehow.com/how_6403273_clean-algae-pool-walls.html
Now I can converse intelligently with the experts at the pool store if necessary.

It was very pleasant working out there today.  We have 5 Hummer feeders and they zip back and forth over our heads, being very territorial and chasing each other away.  Sometimes I sit very quietly with my camera in hopes of getting a few great shots.  Here are the latest from a few days ago.

A Verdin visitor

 The Finches discovered a place on one feeder for their bigger beaks to get a sip.

Waiting for a turn.

Here's the spot.

On guard.

 I think this is the Anna's  Hummingbird.

Hubby's back is acting up and I'm cleaning up for Father's Day.  We've had quite a few dust storms since I've dusted off the patio swing. Our daughter helped sweep the pool this morning and then joined me at the swing.  I had noticed a spider web on  the underside and was busy getting the sticky web off  when she screamed "Black Widow"!  It was big!  So were her eggs and our daughter's eyes.

Gee, I hope she'll come back tomorrow.

EVERYTHINGS GOING TO BE OKAY

We need to hear that every once in a while I think.  Especially if we've been stuck in negative land.  So now whenever I need a boost I can come back to this post and read this prophesy.  A hug usually is required along with the words.  The dog is awake, I'll go hug him.

Even though it's Friday the 13th, all will be well.  Positive thinking is the answer.  I can hear you asking me, what's wrong?

Nothing.  Look here, my outdoor garden room is coming along.  Not sure how my lamp shade will fare in high wind though.


I changed the counter to 217 days.  That's a wonderful thing!

But, I'm not ready for Father's Day.  That's the thing that dragging me down but hard work will get me closer to being ready.  Better get on with it.

WHAT WILL IT TAKE TO REACH YOUR GOAL?

Sometimes all it takes is patience.  Other times you try harder and harder, again and again.

South Rim Grand Canyon, AZ. USA

Waiting for the sunrise or sunset is all about patience because you arrive at your viewpoint early and amuse yourself with little things while watching the light change.  On my last visit to the Canyon waiting for sunset, I leaned over the railing and found a very determined lizard. 

Isn't he cute?   Each time I leaned over to find him he was closer and closer. 

 He's equipped to climb rocks with those strong legs and big hands for gripping. 



I followed his progress and as the sunlight changed he looked more and more beautiful.





























  

  
The next time I looked he was gone.  Uh oh!



But did he give up?

Heck no.  He reappeared with a wonderful smile for me.  He reached his goal with strength and an audience to cheer him on.  Everyone should have a cheering section.

















This time I had help being patient.  What a beautiful ending to our ROAD TRIP day.

WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?

Children might say they are afraid of the dark. The number 1 answer on Family Feud show might be "dying". I'm not afraid of the dark and I don't think I'm afraid of dying.

Someone asked me to describe my recent operation.  My response was " the anesthesiologist said here's a little something to help you relax". Then the nurse said "Wake up. You are in recovery. It's all over".

In between I did not exist to me. There were no funny lights, talking or music, and no awareness of lost minutes. Would dying be like that except no nurse and recovery room? It seems like the scary part of dying would be what precedes death. Pain, immobility, blindness, for example are conditions I am afraid of having.  I vote for a fast death and my angel beside me.

In my school years I was afraid of having bad breath and perspiration.  In grade school I was afraid of the crickets in my head.  It was years before I knew I had tinnitus.  I was afraid people would guess I was a bad person. No one ever told me I could have bad thoughts and not be a bad person so I kept things to myself which is a habit I have yet to overcome.

As a mother, I always worried about the children and was afraid they would not be safe.  Our minister's wife told her son I pamper my children.  I looked it up even though I knew what she meant. It said to indulge with every attention, comfort, and kindness; spoil.

So, life went on and then I became a gambling addict.  For a long time, even I didn't know what was wrong with me but I knew I was disappearing and I was afraid my family would find out. I was also afraid to tell them. After months and months, that type of pressure and active addiction can easily lead to thoughts of suicide, homelessness, or being in jail. 

My brilliant family figured out the problem, held an intervention and presented me with ultimatums.  I struggled daily to comply, made many mistakes and had many setbacks. After one slip-up I was terrified it was the one that broke the camels back and my life was over.

I had nowhere to go so I came home, parked in the driveway and sat there.  Suddenly the garage door went up, my husband walked to me and asked how long I'd been there.  I answered I was reluctant to go in the house because I'd been to the casino.  He quietly said "don't ever be afraid to come home".

It always brings tears to my my eyes to think of his words and that moment.

During the early days of my struggle with recovery I began wandering through cemeteries. They are peaceful, interesting and led me to rediscover my angel.

CLEAN IT UP

Whenever I start to see piles of trash and garden refuse in our neighbors yards I assume it's time for the bulk garbage pickup.  That's how the weekend began, with a "clean it up" attitude.

Since I can't lift heavy things I engaged the help of the eldest grandson. To complicate matters and save some money, we needed to bring home all boxes from the storage unit I rented when the garage door was replaced some months ago. 

My husband reduced the overgrown shrubs from 6 ft. to 3 ft. and we've been hoping no one thought we are preparing for a bonfire. 

I almost lost the family dog by having all doors propped open while moving things about.  He decided to take a walk about the neighborhood.  Before we even missed him "pet finder" called and I am so thankful. 

Thanks to our grandson, I can almost get the car back into the garage.  A pile must go to donation and the other pile goes to trash.  I'll sweep and be done.  But....

There are many, many more things to attend to but now we are hampered by the heat, heat, heat.  I needed many breaks during the weekend because the heat just wears and tears me down. 

On one break I worked on a photo of a finch balanced on the edge of cactus needles, this version made me think of how hot, hot, hot I was.