DO YOU HAVE AN INNER VOICE?

 I have one but it didn't help me with my disease.

The first counselor I went to for help with my gambling problem asked "Don't you have an inner voice?".  I guess she assumed that, if I did, I would not have completed some of my actions while gambling that were not in my best interest.  Actions such as withdrawing all the funds from my bank even though I needed them to pay bills. 

I do have an inner voice and to me it was like I was 2 different people.  For example one of us stood there taking out the money and the other stood there yelling stop.  Somehow I knew that counselor could not help me.  I just didn't know why and discontinued those visits.

I've always talked to my inner voice in my head because, if you talk to it out loud, people stare at you.  After I became a compulsive gambler I could sit in front a slot machine, win a jackpot and my inner voice would say go home now.  I never did.

My disease is very powerful.  It can make you lie and steal from yourself and then from your loved ones. Five years later when seeking help from my doctor who knew the power this disease has, I was encouraged to find a counselor who specializes in treating compulsive gamblers.  Before I could blink the doctor called me back with a phone number.

Before I could blink, the counselor's evaluation determined that, at the minimum, I needed IOP (Intensive Outpatient Therapy).  This included group therapy 3 times a week and 1 individual session a week.  I needed 2 go-rounds of IOP.  Individual therapy continued for 4 years.

This therapy explained my disease, gave me tools to combat it, and listened to me say things only me and my inner voice discussed.  Now, we're talking about the real power.

As it turns out, I've read articles that say some people do not have inner voices or inner talk.  I'm trying to imagine that.  They must be lonely.